Confirmed: Mark Wahlberg Actually Does Talk to Animals

For the past two weeks, Mark Wahlberg has publicly trashed Andy Samberg’s expertly ridiculous portrayal of him on October 4’s episode of Saturday Night Live, in a skit titled “Mark Wahlberg Talks to Animals.” First he slammed the show, claiming it hasn’t been funny in years. Then, last night, he told Jimmy Kimmel that the next time he sees Samberg, “I’m going to crack that big fucking nose of his. Then I’m going to tell him, ‘Say hi to your mother for me.’” But according to his brother Jim — whom we met at Wednesday’s GQ fund-raiser for the Gentlemen’s Fund, for which Wahlberg is an ambassador — the sketch may have been more accurate than we realized. Jim hadn’t actually seen the video, but when we explained it, his eyes widened with shock. “Oh my God. Mark DOES speak to animals. All the time. That’s so weird! How did they know that?”

Still, though, Mark Wahlberg is determined to have the last laugh. He says he’s been bombarded with questions about the skit and therefore shouldn’t be held accountable for his not-always-hilarious answers: “Everywhere I go, someone asks me about it and I say something different every time. It depends on whether I want to be serious or sarcastic,” he told us. Was he happy with the sketch? “I wasn’t unhappy with it,” he said. “It’s just that after seeing the Tina Fey–Sarah Palin thing you were kind of hoping for something on that level. That’s legendary. But they actually called and asked me if I would do something on the show this weekend, but I can’t stay until Saturday, so maybe we’ll film something in L.A. Lorne Michaels called [my agent] Ari [Emmanuel] and asked him. So, you know, maybe. We’ll have to do something funny this time around.” Will he be talking to farm animals? “No, we’ll have to think of something funny to do,” he repeated. “But [the sketch] was certainly … flattering.”

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